Lancing resident nears his 800th reader’s letter

I read a letter last week from Ann Millin who suggested that I deserved my own column in the paper.

First, of course, I would need a nom de plume – a pen name – if I am to displace the writer whose name she mentioned, namely Monty Street.

The only one I have been able to come up with is Lance Ing, so perhaps Ann can put her thinking cap on and come up with something more suitable.

Of course I would not like to see Mr Street being kicked off the pay roll as, for all I know, his finances may be in an even more parlous state than his home-made gluten-free soda bread, which looked absolutely revolting if the photo the Herald printed was anything to go by!

Actually, I am not really sure that I could find the time to bash out a half page week in, week out – carry on Monty, your time is not up just yet – as I do devote a fair bit of my time to other newspapers, magazines and various other forms of printed matter.

You see, after I retired about ten years ago, I started writing the occasional newspaper letter but things quickly got totally out of hand and I found myself bashing them out left, right and centre, morning, noon and night. I was composing them, and still do, on an industrial scale!

Just to give you some idea of how my scribblings have overtaken my life Ann’s letter was the 781st one that has been published in newspapers and magazines, both locally and nationally.

Honestly! I have pasted every one of them in scrapbooks, and even turned them into book form; I have just started volume five!

You will not be surprised to learn that my wife, Margaret, is expecting two men in white coats to come banging on our front door any time soon!