'Seagulls' are over the moon about development

SPEAKING as a seagull, my mates and I would like to say what a terrific idea this massive new development and extension of the Ropetackle site is.

Thursday, 27th March 2008, 3:16 pm
Updated Thursday, 7th June 2018, 11:44 pm

"The Rape of Shoreham", some people are saying.

Not blooming likely; it sounds a wonderful opportunity.

We're positively over the moon at the idea of about 500 more families' waste for us to enjoy.

Our beaks are watering just at the thought of it.

No, we don't want all that flora and fauna that is going to be destroyed.

We'd much rather have loads and loads of five-storey flats and office blocks to perch on and make our nests on.

And by the building work slaughtering any wildlife that has had the cheek to make their homes there for perhaps hundreds of years, there will be much less competition for all the bursting rubbish bins of waste.

Oh, yes, we will be living so well that we'll flourish as our numbers spiral out of your "cone"-trol (dear editor '“ sorry, couldn't resist that one); we'll take over here and soon see off the normal birdlife that accumulates on the airfield and the wetlands, as well.

Not only that, but all the cars will be almost stationary on the lower Shoreham road and Norfolk Bridge, making them the easiest of targets for our poop.

If any "baldies" stick their heads out of their windows to look, we'll have 'em.

There will be so many pickings on offer that we have even invited the pigeons that used to roost on Brighton's West Pier to come over and join us.

I think it was pure genius of the council to display the plans for this huge development for only a couple of hours '“ and no awkward questions had to be answered, because the people who should have had the answers never turned up.

We couldn't believe our luck.

Usually, plans such as this are displayed for much longer.

Oh, yes, it may be that this proposal is going to cause untold misery for quite a few of you humans down there in Shoreham, but for us (and the rats involved in this), things are just getting better and better.

Thanks again.

Mr C. Gull

aka Brian Cowles

Freehold Street

Shoreham

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