One Thing or a Mother: Why I’m probably best working out from home in Worthing

In times BC (before Covid), there would be an influx of people joining gyms in a bid to beat the bulge.

I don’t need to do this, as I’ve pretty much been a member of a gym since I was a teenager. I’m not saying this to show off (well, maybe a bit), as I’m not a stick-thin gym bunny.

I’ve got a pretty good level of fitness and I’m not overweight, but the real reason I go is so I can eat a steady supply of naughty calories year-round. That way, I can polish off at least 47 tubs of Cream Egg ice cream in the too-short period they sell it in the early part of the year (we’ve moved on to Easter treat references now Christmas is over), and feel a bit less guilty.

Sure, I’d like to lose half a stone (well, a stone really, thanks to one/100-too-many Aperol spritzes while I was spreading goodwill to all men), but I like Mini Eggs more.

Normally, I’d be at the gym, battling my way through the throng of newbies, sweating off their festive excesses in shiny new lycra ensembles and trainers destined to give them blisters.

But this year is different, and like I’ve been doing since March, I’ll instead be treating my family to the dance of a thousand elephants as I bounce around the kitchen doing online ‘hiit’ workouts.

And it would seem that’s for the best, based on a slew of my angry Facebook memories that have popped up of late.

One such gem, dated January 11, 2011, read: “I’m annoyed by all the people who join the gym in January, full of new year’s resolutions to get fit, but by February will never be seen again. Get out of my way, and get off my machines.”

Yikes! Stay out of her way, everyone.

So, as I said, for now I’m exercising at home. I miss exercising in a group, and how much the shared experience spurs you on. And I definitely miss relaxing in the jacuzzi, but there are some up-sides to home workouts.

1) You’ve cut out the commute to the gym, leaving you more time to exercise/watch Selling Sunset.

2) You can be getting things done while you’re exercising. Need to cook a risotto for dinner? No problem. Squat then stir, squat then stir, add more stock, and repeat.

3) Not having childcare is no longer a barrier to getting into peak physical shape. Don’t have a set of weights? That’s fine, because now you can do mountain climbers with a two-year-old riding on your back while shouting ‘go faster, horsey’, or bicep curl a planking six-year-old.

4) Your neighbours will never be bored again. That’s because, when it’s warm enough you can exercise outside and provide them with the live-action comedy show they never knew they wanted.

5) You don’t need to be embarrassed. If you’ve ever held back at the gym for fear of looking silly in front of strangers, now’s your chance to go for it. Turns out I can’t do some of the super-complicated yoga positions. But at least now I know. And the bruises from where I came crashing back down onto my mat aren’t that bad...

So, until we can get back to normal life, it’s home workouts all the way. I might just steer clear of the Sirsasana pose for now.