My World Cup prediction is more hurt for England
Predictions have never been my strong point.
Yes, I have won the odd daft gamble but have always been a punter who follows his heart rather than one who studies the cold, hard facts before putting my head on the block.
But with the self-styled Greatest Show on Earth - the World Cup - nearly upon us tradition dictates that predictions are made. Having studied the form, read what seems like everything that has been written in the English language about the tournament and watched hours of ‘experts’ offer their opinion, I am still none the wiser. Any tip made by this writer would be worth as much to you as a job lot of VHS copies of the first series of Birds of a Feather - which equates to not very much at all.
But there are some things so nailed on to happen during the four weeks of this most special of Brazilian carnivals that even a Lib Dem would be happy to look into the future, safe in the knowledge that this particular reality would not reduce them to tears. Maybe.
If you want to make a quick return on your hard earned then you could do a lot worse on predicting that in one month’s time England captain Steven Gerrard will not be hoisting the most famous gong in sport above his head, although that is not to say the Three Lions will necessarily be the flops so many doommongers will have us believe.
I happen to think we have a decent chance of reaching the quarter finals but if we do I also predict that a tieless David Cameron will conduct a round of interviews in which he reminds us all that he is Aston Villa through and through and that he is backing ‘Our boys 100 per cent’.. It will be at this point that we will be dispatched by Brazil. It is a certainty that we all become quickly frustrated with the studio pundits and co-commentators whose job it is to inform the viewer, although most only succeed in mixing their metaphors and doing a good line in stating the obvious. It can also be easily predicted that cameramen everywhere will seek out the prettiest faces in the crowd and outside the stadia at least a dozen times during coverage of each game.
It is also not beyond the realms of fantasy to foresee that one cheeky chappy will get a lingering close up of a female Brazil fan with the name of her team emblazoned across her hotpants.
It is just as likely that we will be treated to footage of bare footed youngsters from the shantytowns, or favelas, kicking up the dirt on their makeshift football pitch.
Another fair assumption that football fans everywhere will have a cast-iron excuse to leave work super early on the day England kick off at 5pm - probably something involving a medical appointment or a school play.
These nuggets of wisdom may or may not come true and make you a fortune, but one thing is for certain: we will all be pining for more when the World Cup finishes on July