Agony aunt column: Ask Lucy

This is the latest column from Lucy Saunders, who provides a regular agony aunt feature - Ask Lucy.

Sunday, 21st August 2016, 5:30 pm
Updated Friday, 8th June 2018, 2:37 am
Lucy Saunders SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001

If you have a question for Lucy please email her at [email protected].

Dear Lucy: I am 31 years old and am now desperate to have a baby and my partner of five years doesn’t want to have any children and I don’t know what to do, shall I tell him that I want a baby but will that put pressure on him. Please can you advise?

Lucy: I think this must be a very hard dilemma for you. I would definitely tell him that you are wanting to have a baby as you are now 31 and see how he responds. It’s different for women as we have a biological clock but this is a decision only you can make together. Either you love your partner and realise that you could have a happy childless life together or if your partner really does not want a family then maybe it’s time to sit down and realise that you want different things out of life.

Dear Lucy: My husband cheated on me and has now married the woman he had the affair with. Many friends told me their affair won’t last but it has, as they are now married are very happy together and have two children and he is doing very well in his job. I have a new relationship but can’t help feeling very envious and jealous of his new life and can’t help spying on them on social media which makes me feel more unhappy and that my life is not as good as theirs.

Lucy: I know this must be hard for you and I can assume you must have felt angry, hurt and betrayed about the affair and the fact he now seems to have a ‘good life’. However you must separate from him and put the past behind you. I feel you need to concentrate on your life and your own self esteem so you and your partner can move forward and have a future together. I suggest you stop looking at his social media as this is a form of self-harm that is making you fantasise what you haven’t got anymore. It is important to realise that social media is not showing the accurate measure of people’s happiness.

Dear Lucy: I am 20 years old and live at home and feel my parents are opinionated and I am fed up of them telling me what I should read or watch or do with my life and they are driving me mad can you give me some advice?

Lucy: It is very hard living at home as an adult both for you and your parents, as you are wanting to establish your own autonomy. You all have opinions and thoughts of your own and remember that your parents will still feel the need to advise you as if you were young again. I think the best thing you can do is ask them how they felt when their parents told them what they should read or watch at the age of 20 and it might make them feel more empathic towards you.

Lucy is a BACP Accredited Qualified Counsellor. She previously worked in the media as an actress.