She had been on drugs for quite a time, had lost her job, had started to prostitute herself and even her little daughter (yes – bad, but it happens).

She was at her wits' end.

She was talking to a friend whose life was a bit more together.

Her friend said: "Why don't you get some help? Why don't you go find a church?"

"Church?' the woman spat back.

"Look, I feel bad enough about myself as it is!"

That's sad. But it's also how a lot of people feel about church.

Not everyone, of course – and here in Worthing there are a lot of churches known for their kindness and generosity – but it's still too close for comfort.

Why should that be? After all, didn't Jesus come to show us that God loves us totally?

Enough to die for us? Shouldn't his followers be prepared to "die" a little, too?

The theory is good.

Most people seem to agree that the world would be better if we treated others as we'd like to be treated – but it's hard to do.

Most Christians do try. But so do plenty of other people in the community.

Some of the nicest people I've known – the sort of people who get referred to as "a real saint" – don't go near church.

And some who do are more the sort the woman had obviously found – making others feel "better" by making them feel worse.

What is the problem?

Why can't we – whether we're Christians or not – be more loving in the way we behave?

It seems that nice people are just naturally nice and the rest of us pretend.

There's a story told about another woman who along with her sister had been sent to a concentration camp by the Nazis.

Years later when she was speaking at a church, she saw one of the ex-guards in the congregation.

He spoke to her afterwards, telling her that Jesus had forgiven him.

He offered to shake hands but she couldn't.

All she could feel were angry, vengeful thoughts at the memory of what he had done.

She writes: "I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand.

"I could not.

"I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity.

"And so I breathed a silent prayer. 'Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness.'

"As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened.

"From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me."

That's it then.

If you think your world could do with more love from you, tell Jesus you can't do it.

Ask him to do the loving and forgiving through you – and for you. If you're not ready for that, carry on trying to be nice.

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